Hard Decisions

[Caelwen(#24844)]

It\'s daytime and, somehow, the rains have stopped long enough for the ground to partially dry. It\'s still cold, yes, but nto the cold that was there during the rain and snow. The landscape looks sodden and grey, quite the contrast to the clearly-seen valley, where smoke comes from the chimneys of an elegant house and sometimes even snatches of elven-song might be heard drifting.

If one were to look down it would not be difficult to see Caelwen, her bright flag of hair and her gown of pale blue. The trail is narrow but she climbs it sure-footed. In fact, once she surmounts the edge, it can be seen that she is bare-footed. Yes, the only elf who was wearing three layers of fur a month ago is barefooted in a thin silk gown.

It doesn\'t seem to bother her, though. Caelwen lingers, shyly looking toward Keldean\'s tent, almost seeming to test the air as a doe might upon first approaching a strange meadow.

[Giliath(#9838)] Not far away, as he is never far away now, Giliath\'s slim tall form - half-hidden - can be seen. If you have extra sharp eyes, are looking in exactly the right spot at exactly the right time, and are used to hunting for elves.

Keldean is laying sprawled out on his back upon the furs and blankets, slack on the ground with his eyes closed. Save for his chest slowly rising and falling, the splash of color to his skin, the teen could almost look dead. The brazier burns low, warming the tent as it faithfully has for so long. All is silent.

Caelwen seems to deem the situation acceptable. She walks toward the tent, all sunset over the sea in coloring, and her bare feet seem to float over the dirt. The tent is pulled open and she studies the human child in silence.

[Giliath(#9838)] Giliath remains where he is, or seems to. It\'s hard to tell. Anyways, he isn\'t following Caelwen towards the boy content to remain some way behind and watch for the time being.

Keldean has reached the pinnacle of boredom. He\'s not asleep. He\'s simply laying, thinking about absolutely nothing, and only listening to the sounds around him. That is the only reason that he hears the approach of the elves, because he is doing absolutely -nothing- else. His brown eyes crack open and the teen lifts his head to look. At the sight of Caelwen, Keldean sits up sharply. \" Hello!\"

Caelwen doesn\'t glance back toward her husband. At Keldean\'s greeting, she seems to pull back a little, the flap fo the tent still in her hand. A shy, perhaps agonizing moment passes in silence, and then, \" Hello,\" she finally answers.

A moment later, as if sensing that a conversation ought to consist of more than this, she adds awkwardly, \" You are... not so sickly now?\"

[Giliath(#9838)] A slight smile moves on Giliath\'s face, and he is nearer. The few trees that cling to the sides of the cliffs filter the light so that it dapples across his face and cloak, and hides him still more.

Keldean speaks slowly, this use of the tongue more clumsy than his ability to hear and understand. \" Yes. I.. fell..\" He pauses, corrects himself, \" -feel- good.\" He cranes his head to look past her, and grins widely when he spies Giliath in the background.

\" That is well,\" Caelwen says, turning the fair language into a stilted, self-concious melody, like bells being dropped on the floor. She pinches the cloth of her skirt between her fingers. \" It is... It seemed... all of you seem very young,\" she interrupts herself by way of explanation. \" ..but you seemed younger, young to die, I meant. Would it not have been too young for you to die?\" she asks, hesitant curiosity. \" Do you wish to die older than this, even when you are in pain?\"

Her lips tremble in a faint smile at Keldean\'s grin. It takes a moment for her to realize that he isn\'t grinning at /her/, so she takes a swift glance over her shoulder.

[Giliath(#9838)] Giliath, no longer hidden - or hiding - takes the last few steps up to the top of the plateau and comes to join his wife. A hand on her arm in greeting, apparently. A courteous nod for Keldean.

Keldean is oblivious to the slight he just made to Caelwen, and soon enough he\'s shifting his attention back to the woman, trying to sort out her confusing words. \" I do not want to die.\" He says in his painfully slow way of sounding out the words. \" When the pain was.. umm.. bad..\" He flushes in embarrassment. \" I thought that if I wanted to die.. it would make Giliath mad.\"

Caelwen\'s hand is not cold despite the chill in the air. Her expression softens as she looks up at her husband, her eyes shining like stars. She lifts her hand and lays it briefly along Giliath\'s cheek.

And now another space of time passes while she looks at him thus-- a minute perhaps? Who can say with elves? Suddenly she looks down and smiles at Keldean, something of the awkwardness gone in here. \" Yes, Giliath, he is a noble elf, is he not? He has saved your life and many more. He is very ******* and wise.\"

[Giliath(#9838)] \"And it would be a grave thing to make an elf angry,\" Giliath agrees, his voice sober, though there is a very faint hint of humor softening his eyes. His face changes as he looks down at his wife - and what is time?

Keldean sits in embarrassed silence, grinning at Giliath\'s response. But time.. ahh time. Soon the teen grows uncomfortable and looks up at the two gazing elves and finally clears his throat in an audible fashion. \" Who was the elf who came before?\"

Caelwen glances up at her husband before answering Keldean. \" He was Narthalion? He was.. a Noldo.\" This last bit is added in a hushed, awed voice, as if perhaps she views him as her better.

[Giliath(#9838)] There is a subtle play in the light on Giliath\'s face at the last word Caelwen says. \"Yes,\" he says, corroborating her information. Almost one might think he cannot quite decide how he feels about that particular elf.

Keldean slips into his own tongue on accident, speaking his question before he remembers to translate. \"What\'s a .. Noldo? What does that mean?\" The teen slowly climbs to his feet, moving to peek outside and survey the weather.

Caelwen moves to the side as Keldean nears, slipping a little behind Giliath\'s arm. She says nothing after Keldean falls into Westron, looking curiously up to her husband\'s face.

[Giliath(#9838)] Giliath looks down at the boy, watching him go to the doorway of the tent. When he turns around, the elf says, in Westron, \"In the beginning, when we awoke, it was dark and there was much to fear. Then one came, and led us west. He spoke of a place of safety and light, across the seas, but not all went there. Those who went, and then returned here again, bear this name: Noldo.\" He has kept his voice as best he could, level and expressionless.

The teen listens to the explanation, looking like he wants to ask more, but something in the way that Giliath says it gives him pause. \" He was.. um.. mad. He did not,\" Keldean crunches his face up, trying to string the words together correctly, \" like that I .. asked about your home.\" He pauses, thinking, \" Why did you say that to him? You told me about your home before.\"

Caelwen looks pathetically relieved once the boy switches back into the elven language. \" The Noldor are aften like that,\" she adds after Giliath speaks. \" They are very fierce sometimes. Passionate folk, though wise and stern.\"

Giliath\'s gaze has gone distant. It returns to Keldean\'s face, slowly. \"We do not.. easily speak of it,\" he tells the boy. \"It is - \" a pause. \" - our safety lies in being hidden.\"

Keldean thinks quietly for a long time, then speaks again in his sloppy Sindarin, \"This is why Mirinthel.. will not let me in?\" He asks, looking between Caelwen and Giliath, \"It is because you.. all.. want to hide? From the second born?\"

Caelwen\'s eyes slip up to Giliath and are almost sharp as he slips into Westron. This expression eases to simple guardedness when she looks back to Keldean. \" Your folk bring swift change and shadow to us,\" she says in a gentle voice. \"Darkness and death. You have slain many who were never meant to die. So we have created havens for ourselves.\"

Giliath nods, listening to Caelwen. Then he adds, quietly, \"It is not that we, all of us, hide - though those in the Golden Wood do - but that there are few places of safety. In ... the beginning, this was our world, and we fought for it. Now, it is yours. Some still fight, but others, many, go into the West and do not return. Those of us who yet remain wish to live in peace.\"

The teen moves back to the entrance of the tent, pulling it open to let more fresh air in. Goosebumps rise on his flesh at the chill the early spring wind still holds, but he ignores discomfort the frigid air brings him. Keldean keeps his brown eyes out on the melting pockets of snow, still speaking in the elven tongue. \"You speak of.. \" He pauses, searching for the words, \".. a person .. like Cordelia? She.. \" Now the youth hesitates for other reasons, fighting an internal battle. He switches to Westron without realizing, \"She hates elves. She\'s said that she doesn\'t, but I don\'t believe her. When we were with Asht and Addie she said that she was only buying time by having him bring us to the elven valley... but she was the one questioning him so much in Sindarin. She was tricking him, when he was sick. I should have said something before, but I never thought about it like this..\"

Keldean looks over at the vinter, worry on his face as some pieces begin to fall into place in his mind. He notices Caelwen and realizes he\'s switched to his native tongue, and once again makes an effort at the elven language, \" Cordelia .. she would bring darkness to the elves. She still does not speak the truth. Please, do not trust her. I was wrong to trust her.\" Perhaps the boy finally understands the danger he created by speaking of his travel plans to Cordelia.

Caelwen looks distantly away when Keldean speaks in Westron, but a moment later her eyes are focusing back to him.  Her face tips up to her husband.  \" You trusted her when she was dangerous?\" she asks uncertainly.  \"That is unlike you.\"

Giliath listens gravely to Keldean, nodding his head once when the boy is done. To his wife he says, quietly, \" Have I trusted her? She is not here. I would not allow our son to speak with her. I knew she would not injure us, then, in the woods. And...\" A slight glance towards Keldean, but he doesn\'t lower his voice. What he has to say is no secret. \"There was hope yet, that she might - be drawn to change.\"

Keldean smiles when it occurs to him that Giliath and Caelwen trusted him with something so dear to them, but it\'s fleeting. Soon, guilt touches the youth instead and it\'s plain on his face. \" There is something I .. need .. to tell you.\" His slowness with Sindarin is frustrating. \" It is too much to say like this..\" He says with an apologetic glance at Caelwen.

\" After we got back to Bree and I spent that time in jail, I had to work for Nob. Some other elves came to stay at the Pony and one of them was Galharth. I told you that I had met him. I didn\'t tell you everything.\" The boy looks more guilty. \"Cordelia was going to meet with Galharth because he wanted to know about her home, or something. I was hiding nearby, listening to them talk. She wanted me there because she was nervous about seeing him alone. While they spoke, she told Galharth about where she\'s from and he got very upset with something she said.. some person she mentioned that he recognized the name of.\"

Keldean continues, \" Cordelia got really scared and they began to argue, and I saw Galharth reach for his sword. I was worried that he was going to hurt her and I wasn\'t thinking, so I grabbed a stick and hit him on the back of the head. I knocked him out and he fell to the ground.\" The teen speaks quickly, \"Let me explain everything before you get mad.\" And he presses on. \"Well, right away Cordelia got -angry- and she started kicking Galharth more, even though he was already knocked out. I don\'t remember exactly what she said, but she was furious. I was afraid she might kill him, but she stopped. Then she got scared that the elves were going to come after both of us, so we grabbed his sword and his money to make it look like we robbed him.\"

The teen still keeps talking, eager to get through it all before Giliath can pass judgement. \"We were going to flee.. but, I felt really bad about what I did and wanted her to go with me and return everything and apologize. She refused and wouldn\'t stay in Bree. That\'s when she left. I returned to the Pony and explained everything to Galharth and gave him back his sword and coins. He let Nob decide what I would have to do for the crime and didn\'t say much more about it.\"

\" Oh,\" Caelwen looks somehow a touch sheepish, then smiles briefly up at Giliath.  A glance for Keldean as he speaks.  When he switches into Westron her eyes sharpen and she seems to be listening intently, watching the boy\'s mouth as it forms words.  At the end of it all:

\" What did he say?\" she asks Giliath.

Giliath listens, his face expressionless. For the most part. At one point, surprise flickers in his eyes. \" He tells of a time with Galharth,\" he says to Caelwen, absently. \"That he hid himself, and was frightened, and... \" The same gleam of surprise and can it be amusement? \".. hit Galharth with a stick. I shall have to tell him to be more watchful, to let a boy like this creep up upon him.\" There is something like good-humored mockery lacing his voice, but when he speaks to Keldean, all this is gone, and he is entirely sober.

\"This woman...\" he says very quietly, \"When you return again to your home, what will you do?\"

Keldean releases some of his held tension when Giliath doesn\'t grow angry about the assault on Galharth. He reaches down to pick up one of the blankets, pulling it around his shoulders to fight the chill in the air. \" I do not know.. I.. want to be with her, still. But..  I do not want to be with her.\" There\'s confliction on his face, and worry as well. \" Am I bad if I still love her?\" He asks, his brow furrowed in concern.

Caelwen grins at Giliath\'s amusement, but this fades after a moment. She creeps slightly behind her husband as they speak now, looking at Keldean with wide eyes, and is silent.

Very swiftly, very quietly, Giliath\'s hand is on his wife\'s arm. \" Do not fear,\" he tells her gently, and in his eyes when they turn to Keldean is... not judgment, but an implacable purpose. Harm my wife, and you will not live to see another morning. This softens into consideration, as the elf replies after a moment, \"That you feel love is not bad.\" Another pause. \"It is what you allow to control you that makes you good or bad,\" he explains, finally. And stops. Clearly he considers he has answered full and clear.

Keldean doesn\'t seem pleased by the answer. He asks plainly, looking to Giliath and Caelwen both for guidance. \" What should I do?\" The teen trusts the elves judgement far more than his own, and it\'s obvious that he\'s greatly influenced by those around him. Without Cordelia to rope him into unsavory acts, he\'s been nearly a model citizen.

Caelwen looks up at Giliath and something in her slim and tense form softens.  Her eyes go sidelong toward Keldean now, face turned in toward her husband,  \" He speaks of his wife?\" she asks.  \" Who he had a disagreement with?\"

Giliath looks momentarily taken aback. To Caelwen, he says, \" That woman, yes, but I think...\" A glance at the boy, \"...they are not wed. She,\" he hesitates again, perhaps searching for words. \"-influences him to act wrongly.\" To Keldean, he says gravely, words coming slow. \"What can I tell you that you will bide by? If for this woman you would do dark deeds, will any words of mine hold you back?\"

\" No.. she is not my wife!\" Keldean says in shock, quickly shaking his head. Influences is accurate, but perhaps seduces is more truth. The teen is easily taken by Cordelia\'s feminine ways. \" I will listen to you!.. I know she is bad. When I am near her.. It is hard to think.\" He looks down, his pulse quickening just thinking about the times that Cordelia was close. \" Tell me.. please. If I go back.. and.. she is there still.\" He paces restlessly in the small space of the tent.

\"Then you must avoid her,\" Giliath says soberly. \"If you cannot control yourself in her presence, you must not allow yourself to be in her presence.\"

Keldean nods, his frown deepening and his brows heavy over his eyes as he tries to figure out a path. \" So.. I should not return to Bree?\" He asks, looking up at Giliath.

[Giliath(#9838)] \"I cannot tell you that,\" Giliath says. There is almost regret in his voice, and his eyes are kind. \"I do not know the places humans live, but there are dangers for one alone in the wilds.\" There is a pause, a rather lengthy one, while he watches the boy, then shakes his head barely visibly. \"You are too young,\" he says almost to himself.

\"Not his wife,\" Caelwen says, almost to herself, musically speaking beneath her breath. Her hand moves on the back of Giliath\'s arm. Her eyes, shy still, peep toward Keldean. \"If you wish to avoid the shadow that ever claims your kind, you must not be near her. Lothdaimoth\'s counsel is good.\"

Keldean turns away again when Giliath has no answer, pacing anew with his head down. Caelwen\'s words reaffirm the opinion they all seem to share, but the teen looks up in confusion. \"Loth..dai.. What?\" He reaches for one of the blankets and pulls up to wrap around his shoulders, squeezing the edges he grips to hold it in place. \"Cordelia is there... in Bree. She will be near.\"

A swift glance to Caelwen, still partly behind him, and Giliath smiles. \"Lothdaimoth,\" he repeats, slowly. \"It is, also, my name.\" A while longer while he considers the young human. \"You must be a man,\" he says finally. \"Who is it that rules your life? Are you not here because you wished to say for yourself what you would do? Yet you allow something, someone else to do so.\" He shakes his head again, the same minute movement. \"I think you are too young, but there is no help.\" And directly to Keldean, with intensity of words and gaze trying to break through to the boy, \"Do you understand this? If you would be free, if you wish, truly, to do and be right, you must become a man, no longer a child.\"

Caelwen\'s eyes are hooded as they watch the boy, seeming taller for a moment as she looks down on him. She is silent for a long while after her husband speaks, and then she finally asks: \"Which wil you choose?\"

Keldean listens to this all in silence, turned towards the opening of the tent again, staring outside. When Giliath speaks intently, the teen glances over and is caught in the gaze of the ancient elf. He stares at the vinter long after both have spoken, the question they\'ve put upon him hanging in the air. \"I understand.. But.. how do I know what it.. what makes a man?\" Keldean frowns, thinking hard, \"A man, would.. go the path he chooses. If I could choose, I would stay here.\" His tone suggests that he doesn\'t consider that a long-term option.

Caelwen shakes her head, fiery curls tumbling along her shoulders, and interjects in sudden, surety, \"You cannot choose a path that is not open to you. You must..\" she hesitates, then continues, \"consider if you might try to be somewhat like Giliath Lothdaimoth. He would not leave me and our child to wait at the edge of a home while he railed against how he cannot get in. He would choose the safest path for us. Giliath is an ellon, a man, and a good one too, a good and wise husband and father. This is what you must do, should you desire to choose well.\"

\"Is there nothing that I can do that will let me go into the valley? I could work hard, and I would not make trouble.\" Keldean isn\'t seeing many options, and her advice is running him into circles. \"Giliath.. What would you do? If you were me? You both say not to be near Cordelia, but say I must choose a safe path. She is not safe. Here it is safe..\"

\"I say,\" Giliath says plainly, \"That you will, always, meet people who wish to tell you what to do, and what they wish to tell you will be /their/ desires, and not yours. To be a man, you must know what is right for yourself, and you must in strength, choose your own path, not what is chosen for you. I do not say that you should run from everyone who will try to persuade you, but that you must find your own strength to say no to what is wrong, no matter who speaks it.\"

Caelwen only smiles up at her husband with obvious pride, her eyes nearly glowing. She nods once and looks down at Keldean, looking utterly relaxed, as if the problem were now entirely solved.

Keldean again listens quietly to the advice, focusing on what Giliath speaks with deep concentration. Partially he is still working on his translating abilities, but he\'s also very intent on what the elf he so idolizes is telling him. After a great length of obvious thinking over the words and says. \"I will make my own choice. I will be strong.\"

[Giliath(#9838)] The elder elf listens, his dark eyes steady on the boy\'s face. And when he is speaks, Giliath nods. And if there is doubt in his eyes, he keeps it well hidden. \"It is well,\" he says.

And Caelwen watches Keldean as he speaks, long silent. Her eyes are level, and seem to stare into a place several inches beneath the boy\'s face instead of right on the surface. \"And what will you choose?\" Giliath\'s oft-flighty wife asks calmly.

\"I.. must think on it more.\" Keldean says carefully, in an almost concealing fashion. He\'s already reached his conclusion but has a feeling that if he voices it Giliath may disapprove and he\'ll be back to where they started. Then there\'s that \'What Would Giliath Do?\' echoing in his head and he sighs and speaks more truthfully. \"I will, speak to Mirinthel again. I will see if I can change her mind. It has been some time and maybe she will think differently, now.\"

Something of a distant look relaxes as Keldean tells the truth of his thoughts, and Giliath says, \"I will tell her you wish to speak with her, if it pleases you?\"

A slender and fiery brow arches on Caelwen\'s face as Keldean says he must think more. Her face smooths once again as he confesses. She looks up to her husband. \"Do you suppose I could say anything helpful for her?\" she asks, almost timid now.

\"Yes.. please. I want to try. If there is a way I can stay here, if she speaks to me and agrees to change her mind, could I see your house?\" Keldean looks between them, \"It is down in the valley, is is not? I can help with the.. grapes.\" He had to search for the right word for the fruit.

There is a quiet little intake of breath when Keldean speaks the word \'house.\' Caelwen\'s hand reaches to grip Giliath\'s arm and she is looking with wide eyes up at her husband\'s profiled face.

\"I will ask,\" Giliath says, inclining his head. Then he turns away, moving towards the valley. Even if Keldean were to watch carefully, the elves somehow... waver and are gone, and where they have disappeared to is impossible to tell.

\"Thank you..\" The youth says, and Giliath is already turning to leave. He sighs in dismay, alone again. \"Farewell.\" Keldean watches them disappear, then moves to sit down among the furs and blankets again, suddenly rather glum.