Thari what?!

Breelands Weather

The early night autumn air is cool but pleasant around you. The night sky still dumps copious amounts of rain down upon you. The moon is above the horizon and in its last quarter phase.

Infirmary

The Infirmary is an area of clean floorboards and white walls. Not a speck of dust or dirt can be found here. Three beds are available for patient\'s use, each one with a small trunk at its foot for the patient\'s personal items and a place where a medical chart can be hung. Between the three beds, two curtains have been hung on poles creating a sense of privacy for each invalid, yet allowing the healer\'s an easy view in. A cabinet with bottles, pouches and scrolls can be seen toward the back of the room. A small chair rests beside it. A set of wooden shelves holds a wash basin, towels and extra blankets. The single window in the infirmary looks out over the front rose garden.

Contents:

Thari

Zhi

Obvious exits:

Curtain to Main Room

[Frarin] The world outside the Healing House of Bree is wet and dark, or almost dark. The grey rain clouds are still tinged by the deep blue of the recently departed sun and the silhouettes of buildings to the west of the Healing House are still visible. The gathered drops of rain upon the single window looking out from the infirmary, however, turns these outlines into odd, distorted shapes in a world quickly draining of light.

It is well then that the infirmary is so well lit within, for in stark contrast to the damp night outside, this little room is quite comfortable. It\'s permanent occupants have dwindled in the past week or so, with only a few extra cots in addition to the three regular beds now required. Upon many of the open surfaces of the clean little room is are low-burning candles, casting the entire infirmary in a warm golden glow. Most patients seem to be taking dinner at this time.

One of these in Frarin, who today is propped up more than he has been for the entirety of the previous month. He does not yet sit straight, but his head is high enough for him to take his own meal. Upon his lap is a plate with his supper half-consumed and the table beside him has a steaming mug of some sweet-smelling liquid. Also upon the table is a strip of parchment, a quill, and an inkwell, for the moment forgotten.

Kellan returns from beyond Middle-earth.

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari has been too restless to eat well, a fact noted but perhaps not commented on by the healers, who experience some daily frustration with this dwarf who may very well be their most difficult patient. The picked-at plate is setting upon the table beside her bed. She is reclining on her elbows and glaring at the window. \"Drat that rain,\" she growls. \"I want to be outside even if it is dark.\"

[Frarin] The bits of meat and vegetables upon Frarin\'s plate have been pre-cut for the silver merchant, a fact probably very much to his irritation. But he eats in silence, the light of the surrounding candles flickering across his face and glistening upon his beard. He glances up as Thari voices her annoyance and his brows go up, but he says nothing until after taking a sip from the steaming mug beside him.

\"You\'ll be out soon enough,\" he says quietly, taking up his fork again and looking down as he speaks. \"You should be grateful that you can at least use crutches.\" His tone is matter-of-fact, almost bored, his words nothing more than sound to fill the silence. Yet another night in the prison of the healers.

[Thari(#31038)]

\"Oh aye, and I wish you could use them, too,\" Thari answers briskly. Her fingernails scratch audibly across the bedsheets. \"I really need to talk to you. With you, I mean.\" She drops her head back against the propped pillows as if frustrated, then reaches out to take a forkful of now-cold potatoes.

[Frarin] Thari\'s second comment brings the silver merchant\'s head up again and this time there is more than the boredom of a longterm patient stamped across his face. The wooden expression is moved by interest, a raising of the brows, a deepening of the frown. His fork pauses, hovering over a sliver of carrot as he glances around the room. Then he lowers his voice, though not as a conspirator might, for there is concern rather than secrecy in his tone.

\"Thari,\" he rumbles softly, \"if whatever concerns you troubles you so, we may ask for privacy. I am the only patient in this room who cannot move beyond a bed. Does it prey upon your mind as it did before, when we spoke?\"

[Thari(#31038)]

\"I...\" Thari throws a rather panicked look over at the silversmith, fork hovering in the air. \"Oh, let me think.\" She sets the fork back on her plate without having taken the bite. She sits up a little and tugs a few times at her shortened beard.

\"Yes.\" she says briskly. \"Yes, that\'s a rather good idea. I can\'t keep stewing like this. It\'s taking my appetite away and that\'s just not sensible.\"

[Frarin] Frarin nods gravely, noting now how the dwarf healer\'s food is barely touched. Shadows form beneath his eyes and across his brow, giving him a stern look, but the light in his dark eyes suggests the look is more of grim concern than anything else. Swallowing the last of his supper, the silver merchant sets the plate aside and waves to one of the healers hovering about the room. The older woman comes to Frarin\'s side.

\"I am sorry to disturb,\" the dwarf says, very low, so that the healer must lean forward, \"but would it be possible for my friend and I to have some privacy for a time? I cannot yet move from my bed, but Master Thari and I have some important matters to speak of, which it would not do well for others to overhear.\" He makes no mention of the specifics of the matter, nor indeed that it is Thari in particular who desires the privacy.

After a moment\'s thought, the older healer gently nods. \"I can see if the others would not mind being moved into the main room for a time. Can you wait a few minutes?\" Nodding, Frarin glances at Thari.

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari watches the healer with sharp eyes. This sharp gaze is then turned to Frarin, then away. She releases a breath. \"Thank you,\" she says as the healer moves away to speak to the other wounded. Her eyes close as she takes another deep breath.

[Frarin] Frarin too watches the healer move away, but only for a second, then his gaze is directed back at Thari. His glance of concern is almost out of place, settled as it is upon a face so accustomed to solemnity and stoniness. But Thari\'s trouble is so clearly evident that it seems the silver merchant cannot help but appear worried. He pushes himself further up, pulling up a pillow for support as he does so. A grimace flashes across his gaze and his skin pales slightly, but he tightens his jaw and exhales a slow breath as he comes to a nearly fully upright position. Breathing in quick, clipped bouts of air, Frarin settles.

Meanwhile the kindly old healer has recruited the help of several of her younger counterparts. A few stray glances wander the way of Frarin and Thari, but for the most part, there are few questions raised. This is especially true of the dwarves being helped into the main room, who, knowing the ways of their kind, do not think to question the need for privacy in any matter. At last, the little infirmary is empty, only the sway of the dividing curtain disturbing the peace.

Frarin looks again now to Thari and clears his throat, but he says nothing. They have been left with two candles, casting the room in a darker glow before and thus adding to the sense of privacy.

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari calms herself visibly as the other dwarves begin to depart. That last deep breath leaves her settled peacefully in her bed. Her eyes open as the curtain is pulled shut again. She turns her head to Frarin and begins speaking at one, quiet and low.

\"Ah, Frarin, I am eager for your thoughts. You know-- mm.\" She presses her lips and raises up on an elbow. \"I\'m not as young as I was and I\'ve become set in my ways. I like trading to further my father\'s enterprises. I\'ve never wanted a typical life at home. But,\" she takes another breath. \"I\'ve fallen for a lad on this trip.\" Her eyes are wide and intent on his face.

\"I don\'t know what to do about it. And I doubt he feels the same for me, for he\'s never said anything about it. But if he did, I don\'t know. He might want me to give up the life I\'m used to.\" She shakes her head and looks away.

\"So I don\'t know what to say, but my care has grown, oh! into such an enourmous thing, and it eats at me! What do you suppose should I do?\"

[Frarin] To the first part of Thari\'s breathless speech Frarin simply nods, listening intently, his dark eyes fixed on the troubled healer. He nods perhaps a fraction deeper when she mentions never having wanted a typical life. But as the subject of a lad comes up, the silver merchant\'s lips part in thought and his eyes narrow. Thari finishes and, for a time, Frarin says nothing as he weighs her words.

Finally, his lips close and form a frown and he rubs his right hand across his mouth in thought. He clears his throat quietly, hand dropping to tug absently at the end of his beard. At last, his mouth opens once more. It takes a moment for words to come, but when they do they are low, rumbling. \"I...I am not sure how to answer you, Thari,\" he murmurs, gaze dropping for a second before coming up to meet Thari\'s. \"I confess this was not what I suspected plagued you so. But I will not say I am relieved, for clearly this is something that troubles you greatly. Well.\"

The last word hangs in the still infirmary air as Frarin takes another moment to consider his words. \"I would...I would ask you to take my counsel on this issue only very lightly. I have no experience in the matter and can, can only speak as my mind would, not my heart. But...well, you are concerned he will ask you to live in a manner not to your liking? Are you sure of it, or do you only worry of it? It does not seem likely to me that any lad who you would find desirous would be of a nature that would seek to impose dominion over you.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

\"Ah, but then you touch on the greater trouble of the matter, good Frarin,\" Thari says. She is watching his face intently, especially his eyes. \"If he in turn finds me desirous at all, why would he say nothing? Why wouldn\'t he say something? He must not think of me at all like that.\" Her voice drops, more stricken than just sad.

[Frarin] The silver merchant falls silent as Thari speaks again, but his eyes are still narrowed intently in thought, giving several very small nods as he listens. At her questions he tips his head back, frowning as he considers the questions. When her voice drops, his brows rise and he frowns again, shaking his head as if to shrug as he thinks. Glancing at his lap, Frarin gives another shake of his head and, as before, his mouth opens for a time before he answers.

\"Well,\" he starts lamely, especially for him, \"say that he does. Am I right in assuming you have said nothing of your own feelings to him? Perhaps it is the same with him, perhaps he cannot find the words or he does not know if you share his feelings.\"

\"But if he is not of your same mind,\" he continues, rumbling very low, \"then...Well, perhaps he has never considered it. Some of our lads are so busy worrying about making money or guarding against the road that they never give a thought to anything else. Perhaps, perhaps if he knew your mind, he might begin to feel the same way.\"

\"Have you considered telling him?\"

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari drops her head to the pillow, watching him, eyes never leaving his face as he moves. Her lips are parted slightly as she listens. \"No,\" she said at last. \"I did not realize it until we had faced our foes a few times, and then, you know how it was. Did not seem appropriate to say such a thing when we were all about to die. Nevermind the fact that,\" she gives a low chuckle, \"My first thought was to fight against it, as ever when I\'ve been approached by a lad my answer has nearly always been no.\"

She closes her eyes and shakes her head ruefully against the pillow. \"And now, with all of the fuss over, I am stuck in this room. Do you suppose, if I tell him, I ought to tell him while we\'re still here?\" Her eyes fly open.

[Frarin] Frarin gives a small smile as Thari chuckles about other lads having approached her and her constant answer to them. If he takes especial note of her unwavering gaze towards him, he seems to put it down to stress and yearning for solid answers, for he says nothing. But solid answers is not what the silver merchant has.

Taking a breath, deep but not enough to bring a grimace, Frarin rubs his hand across his mouth again, then gestures with it towards the healer as he speaks. \"That I cannot say. I do not know the particulars and do not ask for them. It is your decision alone when, if ever, you speak your mind to this lad. For your sake alone I would say to tell him soon, for you have been most disturbed of late. I have seen it day by day and would such a strain removed, if possible, if only because it pains me to see a friend in such a way.\"

\"But on the other hand, perhaps simply speaking of this issue to someone, even if it be not the lad in question, has helped. That is the first time I have heard you laugh in a good while.\" He smiles again, small and with a silent snort accompanying. \"See what a help I am? I say one thing, then the other. You might talk with the healer Zhi. At such matters, I can only guess.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari gives a rueful half-smile. \"No, there aren\'t many I would trust with such a secret, even another woman. Nor those of my clan who are with us, for I\'d rather have my family hear such news from my mouth, if they are ever to hear it at all.\"

She sighs and closes her eyes. A silence lengthens, and she seems to relax for the briefest moment as if towards sleep, but her eyes open again to settle on his. Gentle and low, she says, \"Frarin, I love you so.\" There is a soft vulnerability in her voice, but no fear.

[Frarin] Again Frarin\'s face settles into that of the intent listener and he nods with an understanding frown as Thari speaks of secrecy and her family. There is sympathy in his eyes, for her predicament and her inability to talk openly but it is sympathy, not empathy, and his gaze falls as her eyes close, as if he has judged that he has no further counsel to give. Silence sweeps over him and Thari, and the silver merchant even glances towards the curtain leading to the main room, seeming to assume the healer is done and wishes now to sleep. For her eyes remain closed a long time and she appears even to sleep. But not so.

Glancing back at Thari as he hears his name, Frarin\'s face at first remains unchanged at the four simple words that follow. Perhaps something at the rear of his mind clings to the possibility that her words are of gratitude for his counsel, perhaps the true meaning is so beyond his fathoming that it takes a time to dawn on him. But whatever the case, his first reaction is to smile, comforting and understanding. Only slowly does his expression change.

At first the smile simply fades from Frarin\'s face and his look is blank, wondering. Then his brows come together and his mouth slides into a frown and his dark eyes open wide. And...he blinks. Then again. His mouth opens and closes several times with no sound issuing forth. A great breath is sucked in, then slowly expelled. \"Oh,\" he says very gently. Then, with more weight but no greater reaction, again. \"Oh.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

So intently is Thari watching Frarin\'s face that she gives an unconcious mimicry of his expressions, frowning a bit when he does. She gives, at last, a weak little laugh when he says no more. \"I thought that you knew. For weeks I thought you knew.\"

Frarin breathes heavily as if after great exertion and his gaze falls to his lap, the eyes half shut in a race of thoughts. His mouth closes and for awhile the heavy breaths continue, audible now like a restless sleeper though he is very much awake. The silver merchant\'s jaw tightens and his frown etches deep shadows where the candlelight fails to reach, but still he does not look up. His eyes even shut for a time.

At last, slowly clearing his throat, Frarin\'s eyes open and come up to meet Thari\'s. His face is set, but he looks also regretful, as if afraid to hurt. \"Thari,\" he says, barely above a whisper, then cuts off. \"No,\" he starts again. \"No, I did not know. I did not...I did not know.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari\'s eyes measure his reaction. She blinks and looks down to his hands instead. \"For a time, I was sure that you felt the same. And then,\" she gives a humorless laugh again. \"When you didn\'t seem to realize what I was telling you, I was angry sometimes. Most of the time, however, up until the last week or two, I\'ve been trying to will it away.\" She closes her eyes, shakes her head. \"You can\'t be rid of something like this by willing it. It\'s only grown.\"

Her eyes open again, and though she does not quite look at his face, her expression has softened. \"You\'ve no idea, Frarin. Have you ever found a metal or a gemstone posessed you? I sympathize with old King Thorin for what Bilbo did to him with the arkenstone, for that\'s exactly how it is. It posesses my mind.\"

[Frarin] Again it takes awhile for Frarin to answer. His gaze remains fixed on the sheets across his lap, but his breathing has calmed down a bit. And somewhere amid the jumble of thoughts vying for his attention, he manages to look up and behold Thari and his gaze is distant, still regretful, even sad. \"I\'m sorry, Thari,\" he says very softly, as if afraid someone in the adjourning room might overhear even a whisper. \"I\'m...sorry. I did not mean, ever, to cause such...pain. If...I don\'t know...\" He grapples with his words, dark gaze darting from the bed to Thari to the candle to the window and back to Thari.

Then he takes a deep breath and steadies himself, shaking his head. \"Had I known, Thari, I assure you I would said. I would never encourage feelings that could hurt as you have been these past weeks. But...I do not know what to say to you. Never could I have fathomed it was /me/ of whom you spoke.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

\"Oh, I know you didn\'t mean to cause any sort of distress,\" Thari actually smiles, the corners of her eyes crinkling in the shadows. \"At least I know now.\" Something in her air seems to relax. She sinks into her pillow, her body at ease. \"What should we do now, Frarin?\" she whispers, her smile dying. \"You must forgive me for not waiting until you were more well, my dear friend.\"

[Frarin] Frarin does not return Thari\'s smile, and indeed, he looks more like a general planning a strategic defense than the good friend the healer calls him. Perhaps there is a tinge of guilt at that, for his eyes soften slightly, but otherwise his face remains set and stone-like as he thinks. He is quiet a longer time now and the silence seeps between them like a stifling blanket. The air of the infirmary grows heavy.

His glance drifts up and, although his look is not unkind, it is under heavy brows that his eyes behold Thari. His frown has deepened. \"Thari,\" Frarin says quietly, voice cracking. \"Thari, my friend, my dear friend. I am sorry, but what /can/ we do?\" And now his voice grows stronger, more businesslike. \"I do not return your feelings, I am sorry. I love you as a friend, nothing more.\"

Brisk and perhaps harsh his words may seem, but they seem all that the merchant can manage to form. He does add, however, with another shake of his head, \"And I am too old, especially for you. Far too old.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari\'s face becomes impassive as he speaks, her hands folding decorously over her blanket. She looks toward her own not-so distant toes. \"Well.\" Her voice is very firm, brisk, though perhaps a hint of her feeling might be detected in the quiet vulnerability that might be detected beneath the quick words. \"I won\'t argue against you. Though, from my own struggles against this, I can tell you that your age would not matter if you did at all return what I feel. The only proper refusal you could give me is the one you already gave-- that you do not, nor can you ever, re..\" her voice cracks. She clears her throat. \"Return my feeling.\"

[Frarin] Frarin\'s heavy breathing returns, but he cannot look at Thari this time. His jaw is visibly tight as he too looks at his toes, mouth opening and closing several times in sync with the shake of his head. A miriad of thoughts seem to assault the grim silver merchant all at once and, beneath the solemnity and grimness, there is also hurt. Or rather, the fear of hurting.

\"It is not only the difference of our ages, Thari,\" he says, voice very low and spoken as if with great effort, but steady. \"My age alone should be answer enough. One-hundred-and-seventy-three years I have walked this earth utterly without companion, without ever needing nor considering the company of another in such a manner as you wish. I fear to drive such a wedge between us, to sunder the friendship we have fostered over these past months, but I cannot admit to something that is not true. Would you...would you have me concede out of pity?\"

The grim look has cracked somewhat, but Frarin\'s gaze is still dark with determination. \"Because it would be a concession, not a heart-felt profession. There are so many others who would be better suited to your love, Thari. A dwarf does not change his ways at my age.\" But to Thari\'s last comment, he gives no answer. Perhaps he has none, or perhaps he has not the heart to speak it.

[Thari(#31038)]

\"Frarin,\" says Thari in a testy voice. \"I\'m not asking for pity. If you\'ll think upon every word I\'ve said, I\'ve asked for no concession, nor have I tried to convince you of anything.\" Her chin juts out.

\"Nor do you need to insult me by saying that this.... this /thing/ that has come upon me is something I can transfer upon any of the dwarves in our group. Allow me to say that I\'ve had plenty enough suitors who would\'ve been willing had I been. I am not so young as you seem to think, and I am well-set in my ways too.\" She takes a deep breath then grumbles again into her beard. \"I\'m not begging or asking you for /anything.\" The heat of her glare should, by all rights, light her toes on fire.

[Frarin] Great gulps of breath does Frarin now take, teeth clenched as he expels the air audibly through his nose, but it is not a myriad of thoughts that brings the quick breathing this time. Even in the glowing candlelight, his face is growing red as his brows come together. And still only glances are directed at Thari, for the glare and the healer\'s hot words are not lost upon the silver merchant.

When he replies, although his words are still very low, there is frustration and irritation in them, but not out of anger rather, his own testy words betray a sense of pleading, of frustration to have been placed in such a situation and irritation at having to explain his mind.

\"Thari,\" Frarin says firmly without raising his voice, \"I do not seek to offend. Please know this. As a friend, or once a friend if you no longer consider me thus, please believe this. It was not my intention to insult or belittle you, but this is a situation strange and entirely foreign to me. When you sought my counsel before, I gave it with another in mind, none specific but certainly not myself. I cannot rearrange my feelings at a whim\'s notice!\" The last comes with force.

\"But you must know, you must know the ways of our people. One who is without companion as long as I ceases to give thought to the issue. If ever I did, and I am not sure of it, then it was many years ago. And I would likely never have given it thought again had I not met you.\" He sucks in a breath, grinding himself to a halt, teeth clenching again. His expression softens, regretful. \"I am sorry, I did not mean that as it sounded, Thari. I would not recant my having known you, never. Though I might wish you never to have met me, for the pain that I have caused.\"

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari digs the heels of both of her hands into her eyes. \"Frarin..\" she drags out his name as if irritated again. \"We\'re arguing on the same side again, do you know this? We\'re going back and forth and saying the same things and honestly, if I could walk alone I would walk out of this room so we could both have peace.\"

Her hands drop and she looks out the window. \"I\'m not angry with you. I\'m not arguing with you. I\'m not asking anything of you. Be at peace.\" She gives a quiet sigh, perhaps not intended for his ears, but she sounds so sad in that little puff of air.

[Frarin] Shadows and deep crevices make Frarin\'s face long and grim and he looks almost like a statue of some dwarf lord of old, graven into the wall of a tiny little bed in the quiet Healing House of Bree. But he is not. And no trick of the light can keep his face from falling at Thari\'s words, for even the sober silver merchant has a heart, guarded though it may be.

The stoniness fades and Frarin is once more a mere dwarf. The lines on his face are no longer of a stonewright\'s chisel, but the work of weariness and sadness. The skin is ruddy and worn, but not of granite or marble. And his expression is only regret, no proud or haughty stare of the great.

\"I\'m sorry, Thari,\" he rumbles out, voice nearly catching. \"Truly, I am sorry.\" Then, with no mind for the pain, he lifts himself and slides back from his propped up position so that he lies flat. He does not spare a second glance for the dwarf healer, but turns his head away to the left. The old woman in the main room can check at her leisure to see that the two are finished, for Frarin speaks no more, though sleep does not take him for a long time.

[Thari(#31038)]

Thari does not answer him. There is the quiet shush of cloth-on-cloth as her hand raises to cover her face. In a strange turn of events, however, the lass is the first one to sleep, hand tucked over her cheek and eyes. She relaxes easily and within a few minutes her breathing has slowed to the deep tone of slumber.