Nob, The Accused!

Tis a rainy afternoon. A fire is built up in the fireplace, crackling and roaring into the chimney. The shutters are wound tightly closed and barred. Limp red checked curtains cover the windows. A number of farmers have come in from their fields - thwarted at the end of harvest by the sodden ground - and are sitting at a long table drinking and talking. And Nob is bustling around, as usual, filling up mugs, chatting with the men, bringing out trays of meat pastries.

[Ernie(#25187)] The stout Breeguard known as Ernie is grumbling as he enters the Pony. He has a piece of flat board held over his head in lieu of an umbrella - by the looks of his tightly buttoned jerkin, the \'umbrella\' hasn\'t worked too well. He holds the door open for someone else, muttering unhappilly, \"Dunno why t\'Chief couldn\'t ha\' waited. Me second-best jacket, ruined! All right, on y\'go, lad.\"

[Thomas(#31512)]

Thomas enters, proudly wearing the leather \'armor\' he has been strutting around Bree in. It squeaks as it moves, which, because the studded leather vest was obviously made for someone twice his size and girth, is constantly. The young man does not seem put off by this at all--though he does look down and ruefully rub away the rain that seems to be collecting in the many gashes and splits in what is likely ancient leather. \"The Chief did not want to wait because this is an important job. And he trusted it to -us-,\" the boy says with an inflated sense of self importance as he enters. \"ANd there is the suspect now.\" His voice rings out as he points at Nob. \"Should we apprehend him?\"

Suspect? Several heads turn and stare at the man and boy who enter the room. Nob hasn\'t quite noticed that it is he who is under suspicion here, for he looks up and then bustles over to them. \"Help you gentlemen? We\'ve got some nice hot spiced cider, just the thing to warm you up.\" He winks at Ernie. \"Can add a bit more to it, too, if you like, sir.\"

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie, removing the board from his head, twists round to survey Thomas, sneezing violently as he does. \"No, no!\" he protests (he is, after all, one of the Pony\'s best customers). \"Ain\'t no need fer that jist yet. We\'ll .. harum, jist ask \'im a few questions.\"

And right on cue, there is Nob offering hot drinks. Ernie\'s face reddens at the wink, and he starts nodding. \"At\'d keep out t\'cold, \'t would,\" he agrees hopefully, before recollecting why he\'s here. \"S\'like this, Mister Nob, though. Bin a complaint, there \'as, from a Member o\' the Public, an\'..\" His voice trails off, and he nudges Thomas forward. \"Mind explainin\' ta Mister Nob?\" He nods firmly so that the request looks more of an order.

[Thomas(#31512)]

\"You can\'t drink on duty!\" Thomas says, aghast at the idea of it. \"ANd you...you...there\'s been a murder! And you are the suspect Nob of..of..the Pony.\"

\"A complaint?\" Nob asks, slightly startled. \"Not about Barley\'s Beer!\" He looks at Thomas rather reprovingly. \"It\'s cider, young man,\" he tells him. \"Now you just sit down right over here,\" he leads them towards a table not too close to the farmers. And I\'ll be right back with your cider and then we can have a little chat about this... \"

\"Murder? There hasn\'t been no murders around here!\"

[Thomas(#31512)]

\"But there has!\" Thomas insists, following right after Nob. \"In the Chetwood! And a cleaver with your name on it was found right next to the body! Explain that!\"

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie looks indignant at Thomas\' protest. \"Askin\' questions is thirsty work, m\'lad!\" he tells his Trainee irritably. But when Nob makes as though to leave, he shakes his head. \"Wait a bit, Mister Nob. The lad\'s right. Man kilt an\' all. So\'s ye\'ll unnerstand we got some questions tae ask ye. Now ...\" He rummages in his sodden jerkin, bringing out a sheaf of dog-eared forms and an inkbottle. \"First things first. Name?\"

Oh dear. It might be a long interrogation.

\"Yes, yes,\" Nob says almost irritably. But he is already hurrying away, and when he comes back, he is carrying a tray with 3 clay mugs of steaming cider. He hands one to Ernie with another wink, one to Thomas and takes one himself, climbing up onto a high stool. \"Right now. Questions, you say? You mean he was right? Huh, who\'d ever have guessed it?\"

[Thomas(#31512)]

With great reluctance, Thomas sits and then takes up the offered mug. He sniffs at it, gives Ernie a scowl, but sips the cider. \"We _know_ his name. It\'s Nob. N-O-B,\" he spells it, then thrusts a wet finger at the paper. \"Write that down. Where were you on the night of the murder, Nob? Do you have any witnesses that can attest to your whereabouts?\" The farmer boy Thomas getting all upright and fancy now that he\'s a Breeguard. Trainee.

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie sits with pen poised above the paper - it takes a while before he realizes that Nob isn\'t going to answer. Looking down, he scrawls some reasonable approximation to \'Nob, Assistant Innkeeper\', very quickly so that he can grab at his mug before Thomas snatches it off him. \"Slow down, slow down!\" he begs the lad as the barrage of questions is fired off. \"Writin\' takes time. But ye\'d best answer Trainee Thomas, Mister Nob. An .. an ... \" He stops, taking a nice long gulp from his mug and heaving a satisfied sigh. \"Who w\'s right?\" His forehead wrinkles in a puzzled frown.

[Ernie(#25187)] Whilst Ernie ruminates, the new-written name begins to blur, thanks to the raindrops scattered by Thomas\' earlier pointing.

\"Nob, aye,\" Nob says, looking very strangely at Ernie. Everyone knows his name! \"And I reckon... wait. You think /I/ done murdered somebody?\" He gapes at Thomas, then starts to chuckle, shaking his head disbelievingly. \"Knocked \'em on the head with my tray, no doubt!\"

[Thomas(#31512)]

\"It was your cleaver!\" Thomas objects, swiping at Ernie\'s laced drink and missing it just as the guardsman picks up the mug to drink. This may scatter more raindrops on the paper.

\"The cleaver had your name on it, and folks say you were crossing the Chetwood to go to Staddle when you were attacked. Killed the man, too! \"

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie, never too quick on the uptake, gapes at Nob\'s suggestion. \"Ye don\'t meant tae say as .. ye did it?\" he asks, horrified. Such an appalling thought requires another drink he clutches his mug protectively, scarcely aware of the new raindrops on his sheet of paper.

He swallows, then leans toward Thomas to murmur in his ear in a poor attempt whisper: \"Ye don\'t tell \'im it \'all, lad. Ask first, explain later. Not that ye didn\'t lay it out right nice and proper, like.\"

\"I haven\'t been attacked by nobody,\" Nob says, sounding more and more (and quite justly too!) confused. \"I mean, there was that man the other night, stood around and loomed, like, but he never /did/ nothing. Right here at the Pony too! I never seen the like. Tell me, ME, I went and .... killed his brother.\"

He eyes the two \'guards\'. \"That who you\'re talking about? I thought he was just drunk or something.\"

[Thomas(#31512)]

Thomas tilts his head toward Ernie, clearing not comprehending whatever it is the older guard is trying to tell him. \"Don\'t tell him?\" Then, exasperated, he sputters at Nob. \"Your cleaver!! With your name on it!! How did it wind up next to a corpse?\"

[Ernie(#25187)] Reluctantly Ernie sets down his mug. \"Ah, Thomas, lad,\" he says firmly. \"Happen it\'d be best if I do th\' askin\'. So then, Mister Nob. Where was ye on the night of-\" He stops, frowns and then holds up his fingers. \"This many nights past.\"

He reaches for his paper, ready to write down the answer - only then does he notice that it\'s fast disintegrating. \"Garn, it\'s ruined!\" he announces disgustedly, fumbling for another sheet.\"

\"How should I know?\" Nob asks, sounding about as exasperated as Thomas. \"Somebody dropped it? Where was this corpse anyhow?\"

He peers at Ernie\'s fingers and stares at the ceiling, mumbling under his breath. \"That\'s last night, I was here, and the night before, was the stables, and the night before that...\" Triumphantly, he says, \"Home! I was home!\"

[Thomas(#31512)]

\"Fine,\" Thomas huffs, folding his arms over his chest. \"Here...he passes over a cotton bandana for Ernie to wipe up the water with. \"Home? Prove it?\" he asks, forgetting all about the fact that he just agreed to Ernie\'s request only seconds ago.

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie stares blankly at the cotton bandana. \"Easiest t\'start a new one,\" he tells the trainee Breeguard - and indeed, he\'s busy filling in all the details like \'Nob\' and \'Assistant Innkeeper\' all over again. \"Like he says, Mister Nob,\" he adds half-heartedly as he scribbles.

\"Prove it?\" Nob repeats, disbelievingly. But he tries to think, honestly, frowning and staring at the ceiling some more. \"Well... I have some pies left my missus gave me. Here..\" He scrambles off the stool and trots off before either guard can stop him. He is back shortly, carrying a large knotted kerchief, which he sets on the table, clambers up onto the stool and begins to unknot. Inside are two rather crumby tarts. \"I ate the others,\" he says, not at all apologetically.

[Thomas(#31512)]

\"Ah...I well....\" Thomas stares at the tarts--all but drooling over them. \"So...uh...when did she bake these? You were there?\"

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie glances at Thomas. \"Business first,\" he says self-righteously, just as if he hadn\'t downed half a mug already (and yes, his writing is getting more wobbly to prove it). \"You was with \'er all night, \'en?,\" he asks, hard on the heels of Thomas, then realizes what he\'s just said and chokes on his next mouthful of Special Cider. \"I - uh - \" he manages when he\'s finished coughing, \"\'at\'s - c\'n she swear tae it?\"

\"Here,\" Nob says generously, pushing one towards Thomas and the other at Ernie. \"She made them that morning, she said. They were still hot when I got home.\" He looks at Ernie and draws himself up, the picture of indignant offense. \"I\'ll thank you not to be speaking of my missus on such terms,\" he says snippily. \"I was to home by evening, and I can guarantee you there weren\'t any corpses on the path anywhere, and I came back in to the Pony in the morning, early on, and you can ask the cooks if you don\'t believe me.\" Bristling in every pore, he gets off the stool and stalks towards the kitchen.

[Thomas(#31512)]

\"Mmmph...stubborn fellow...\" Thomas says, stuffing his mouth with the tart. \"Wife\'s a good cook...\" And, tart eaten and cider consumed, the boy suddenly finds that he has a tremendous appetite. Without a backward glance to Ernie and his reports or to the wandering perpertrator, Thomas gets up to roam the Common Room in search of free food.

[Ernie(#25187)] Ernie, still somewhat red about the face, is left alone. Ignoring the staring eyes of the Pony\'s other patrons, he begins to scribble furiously on his sheet of paper. When he\'s done, he sets down the pen with a sigh. \"Good cider, that was,\" he remarks to the world at large and rises, mug in hand, to follow Nob belatedly to the kitchen. \"Reckon \'ere\'s just one thing left. Better ask \'im \'ow \'igh \'e can reach.\" Nodding solemnly, and swaying in stately fashion, he is gone.